Here at Happy Simple Living, we are not afraid to flush out the big, pressing issues that face our nation. Which is why we have bravely plunged into the issue of mega toilet paper rolls.
Most major t.p. manufacturers now sell Colossus Mega-Jumbo Magnum rolls containing 4 TIMES!! the sheets of a regular roll. (As we all know, today’s ‘regular roll’ contains approximately 14 squares.)
Is this claim true? Do we consumers really want these fatter rolls — even though they no longer fit in the holders?
My friends, you are an intelligent bunch. When you see those packages, do you feel happy because you’re getting an even greater value in your toilet paper purchases?
Or do you feel cranky because you’re paying more bucks for fewer squares?
Sometimes I wonder if toilet paper manufacturers think our brains are full of ultra soft cotton.
This is definitely a #FirstWorldProblem, but these Hercules-sized rolls do not fit in any of our holders. Furthermore, our neighborhood grocery store has stopped selling normal rolls, and now sells only Mega-Colossus-Jumbo-Big Ole’ Honkin’-Magnum rolls.
Guaranteed To Fit
I recently purchased several packages of Quilted Northern Ultra Soft & Strong, as the company’s wood and fiber sourcing practices are certified by the Sustainable Forestry Initiative.
Sustainability was part of my decision, but the other reason was this compelling promise printed on the package:
“Guaranteed to fit your roll holder or your money back.”
Bolstered with confidence, I bought the package and breathlessly ran upstairs to install a roll. The funny thing is that there is at least an inch of space on either side of the roll, but I had to use a shoehorn to get the roll in the holder.
Once in, it would not turn. For obvious reasons, this presents a problem. As you can see, the top of the roll is wedged in the holder:
In the interest of getting a handle on this issue, I decided to take advantage of the company’s money-back guarantee.
When I visited the site, however, I was disappointed to see not an offer for cash back, but an offer for a free “Roll Extender.”
The value of the free roll extender was “$2 – $3” according to the site.
(Side note: Is it me, or does this whole Mega Roll Extender thing sound just a little naughty?)
Clearly, if I wanted to actually use my new Quilted Northern toilet paper, I would have to get their gadget. The instructions required me to write “the reason you would like a roll extender” on a piece of paper.
This is an excellent question from the Quilted Northern Quality Control team. Because, what could possibly be the reason?why a person would need an extender?
Could it be that the #%$?@&! Colossus Jumbo Mega Grande Magnum toilet paper roll doesn’t fit in the holder??
<<deep breath, deep cleansing breath, inhale peace, exhale stress, serenity now!>>
Anyhow, I dutifully assembled my proof of purchase, receipt, and required explanatory letter, and sent it off.
Then the waiting began. Nine weeks passed, with no sign of my Roll Extender. Every time I ran to the mailbox and came up empty-handed, I felt like Ralphie from The Christmas Story waiting for his Ovaltine decoder ring to arrive.
After so many disappointing daily trips to the mailbox, I wondered if the Quilted Northern people had forgotten about me and my Roll Extender.
Looking for Answers
Sometimes big brands’ social media managers seem to reply more quickly to customer service requests, so I decided to reach out and touch someone via the Quilted Northern Facebook page.
Before I sent my message, I officially “Liked” the page. The header photo features an enviable prototype toilet paper holder (probably invented by Elon Musk) that perfectly fits the Quilted Northern mega roll. Jealous!!
The moment I clicked the “Like” button, Facebook helpfully alerted all of my friends and family members about my new passion.
Feeling heady, I sent off my inquiry. Sure enough, the social media manager responded quickly. (It pays to be the Facebook fan of a t.p. company.) The note read: “Hi Eliza, thanks for contacting us. Let us reach some of our internal teams and see what we can do. We will get back to you soon!”
Woah. Not only was I getting personal service, but the INTERNAL TEAMS of Quilted Northern were getting involved. Talk about having friends in lofty places!
A few days later, the package I had been awaiting for ten weeks finally arrived with a nice letter and my very own $2-$3 value Roll Extender.
I could hardly wait to try it!
I won’t keep you in suspense any longer. The Roll Extender worked.
We could now actually turn the Mega Toilet Paper roll, thus providing that all-important access to the tissue.
The only downside? The Roll Extender is white plastic, which doesn’t match the chrome holder, and it has the Quilted Northern logo printed in the “gap” area.
With a roll in place, you see the letters “TED” and “ERN.” Whenever I see his name, I like to imagine that Ted Ern is the kindly inventor of the Roll Extender.
So the extender works, but it’s unattractive. Do we choose aesthetics or utility, my friends? This is a conundrum that has plagued mankind through the ages, from the design of stone tools and wooden teeth to Quonset huts and men’s sandals.
Miracles Do Happen
UPDATE: You’ll never guess what happened. After I wrote this post, I was contacted by the Canadian company Teravan.
Teravan manufactures an extender that’s actually attractive! You can probably imagine the swirl of excitement I felt when they offered to let me try their products. (Move over, Khloe Kardashian! There’s a new “influencer” in town.)
Teravan’s white and chrome extenders have a decidedly designer feel:
The best part of all? After installing one of Teravan’s snazzy adjustable toilet paper roll adapters, the roll actually turns! One can actually access the paper!
This is clearly a revolution — or should I say a turning point? — in modern TP history.
How About You?
Do you love or loathe this new trend? Do you long for the good old days of Double Rolls? Or do the Mega Honkin’ Extra-Grande Texas Sized Big Ole’ Boy toilet tissue rolls fit just fine in your holders?
How long will it be before a rogue manufacturer offers a roll with 5 times the sheets of a regular roll?
Also: Do you think that perhaps I need to take up a new hobby?
I’d love to hear from you, and together we’ll get to the bottom of this important tissue issue.
Your devoted TP Access Advocate,
P.S. Thanks to Miles Goodhew for being a good sport and letting us use his photo, which was taken on the day his regular glasses were being repaired, as a stand-in for Ted Ern.
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Eliza Cross is the creator of Happy Simple Living, where she shares ideas to help busy people simplify cooking, gardening, holidays, home, and money. She is also the award-winning author of 17 cookbooks, including Small Bites and 101 Things To Do With Bacon.
Thank you for your humorous take on this super-annoying problem!!!
Glad to know I am not alone in hating the Mega Rolls. And most stores in my area, only sell Mega or Mega Plus! Two of our bathrooms have a free standing toilet paper holder that holds 3 spare rolls and the hanging roll at the top. There is no adapter that will make those spare rolls fit in the spot for the extras.
Thank you!! This has annoyed me to no end! I too have wondered why on earth anyone needs toilet paper rolls the size of a tire! To my knowledge must homes do not offer a public restroom to the community. Why do we need industrial size rolls? Up until about a month ago double rolls were still available. Those are actually preferable. Now mega is the only option. Why can’t they still make both?!! Just give us a choice!
I HATE Mega Rolls. I HATE extenders, and my current really nice toilet paper holder really looks nice and it rotates up so it’s easier to change rolls but as far as I know there isn’t an “extender” to fit it; plus if there is one it would ruin my aesthetically designed toilet paper holder. I refuse to “go Mega” and I’ll pay the price; that is if they keep making double rolls.
Was wondering about pricing and did the math on Super Ultra Charmin vs. Charmin Mega. Turns out the Mega is cheaper per sheet. Counterintuitive and sneaky on Charmin’s part. But it does fit our dispensers nicely.
Shellye, I LOVE that you did the math! It’s a comfort to know that even though the rolls don’t fit in many holders, the cost really is a little better. Thank you!
I literally just heard a new advertisement – Charmin will now be selling a “Super Mega Roll”. Supposedly it’s 6 rolls in one! I’ve always hated the “mega” rolls, and this put it over the top for me. That’s actually how I found this little blog of yours – well done. But hopefully they can get their paper under control, because how much bigger can they get? Soon we’ll be buying toilet paper the size of full tires!
Chandra, I laughed so hard at your description of a tire-sized roll of toilet paper. Thank you for the important update. I just shared it on Facebook to see what our readers think. When will the supersizing end?
Chandra.. You are very funny. I just today realized that I can not buy anymore regular size of toilet paper and looking for a solution to my problem, I also found this blog. Read your writings and got a big laugh… Which of course is much better than crying…
You got it just right. We just installed beautiful new tile in our bathroom and cannot find a tile toilet paper dispenser that will hold these monster toilet paper rolls. My wife bought some larger metal dispensers, but they will look stupid on the beautiful tile wall, so I am looking for an alternative. Donald Marsden
Donald, this is probably a great business opportunity for some shrewd entrepreneur. The world needs the Classy Mega-Roll Holder! Shark Tank, here we come!
And I thought it was only me having trouble turning the toilet paper. We are currently remodeling our master bath and there was quite a “to do” last night putting together the new toilet paper holder and holding it by hand against a wall while have a new roll inserted to see if it would turn. Seems like it might work. So maybe the new ones are bigger and this one isn’t recessed. But I am a little disappointed by the fact that you just dropped the ball when mentioning that the roll is no longer as wide as it used to be. I’ve noticed that too, and it drives me crazy. All of that wasted space on the sides, and it’s overflowing against the wall. Oh well.
Oh my gosh, you are absolutely right. The rolls are not as wide! Thank you for your astute observation. :-)
Ok. I don’t care who you are that was funny and informative! You are good at addressing a problem with humor MS Cross and I laughed all through it and got angry at the TP Manufacturers as well! Are we able to purchase these roll extenders in the box stores? or do we have do subject ourselves to the naked light bulb questionnaire like as you had to do? Thanks for taking them to task!
Since i’ve been stealing all of my toilet paper from gas stations and office buildings for years i hardly noticed the change in grocer stock. Upon inspection the “mega rolls” dont seem all that big to me. They barely take up space on top of my purloined 2’x2’paper discuss. Stop wasting your time buying toilet paper monthly, and see what it’s like to “shop” for TP anually for a household of 6.
I cannot agree with you more. The roll sizes have gotten out of hand! I can’t even find a paper reserve tower that will accommodate the new 4=1 mega rolls. The world of toilet paper was perfect as the triple roll. I can’t find the 3:1 anywhere. The industry decision to push to the 4:1 size is just poo poo!!!
I buy the mega rolls of Charmin Ultra Stong if it is a good value. I don’t just automatically by bigger rolls. I always compare the prices. B/c prices change, sometimes the bigger rolls are currently a better deal, and sometimes the regular rolls are a better deal. I have never had a problem with toilet paper rolls of any size fitting the toilet paper holder (ceramic in the tile wall that’s been there at least 40 years).
Elizabeth, the folks who built your home forty years ago were clearly forward-thinkers! I’m trying not to feel envious of your easy-spinning rolls! :-)
You crack me up! As a person who is too cheap to buy anything but store brand toilet paper, I have yet to encounter the mega-roll phenomenon. My most recent TP crisis was that I accidentally grabbed what looked like a great deal, only to discover that I had inadvertently come home with a 12 pack of SINGLE ply toilet paper! The horror!
Anyhow, the extender does look a bit cheezy – I’ve never used the stuff, but I think they make special spray paint designed to be used on plastic. Maybe there’s a silver color? Probably defeats the purpose of saving by buying the mega rolls though…
Your comment about single-ply toilet paper has me in hysterics! Thanks for reminding me that things can always be worse! xo
You are making me proud, you activist you!
Awww, thanks, Mom. I can always count on you to be proud. :-) xoxo
I just want regular size rolls back!!!
It bothers me even more to know that I have to pay a lot more for that certain kind of toilet paper that doesn’t hurt the bare necessities. A catalog was used years ago, I know I should feel blessed. I think the manufacturers should at least meet a standard softness scale or softness rating! And if they feel they need to slim the roll from being two inches wider and two inches taller, I will happily set it on the floor.
Your comment about a catalog made me laugh, Susan. I love the idea for a softness scale. Genius! Thanks for your note. xoxo
I think it is important that you voice your opinion to manufacturers. I’m sure someone thought of aesthetics, but decided it might cost them too much to offer something different or options. So many companies do the “new and improved” to only have smaller packaging so they can keep the same retail price, but they are selling a smaller amount. And as far as “new and improved,” well how many different ways is there to pluck that chicken?
Haha, I agree with you, Becky. So often I wish companies would just leave a good product alone. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. xo
I LOATHE them!
I have brought this up to the manufacturer because I can’t find regular toilet paper anywhere any more. Their response was basically ‘I don’t know what your talking about because we still sell them’. Oh really? Then why can’t I find them anywhere. Even when I do a search on two ply toilet paper I’m inundated with “mega rolls!”
I HATE these stupid rolls. No, I’m not gong to buy a cheesy extender because my toilet paper holder doesn’t even work with one, the roll slides on, and it angers me that I’m being forced into it.
I guess everyone should remodel their bathroom because of the toilet paper industry? Will manufacturers of bathroom hardware will have to retool their machinery for them too? It’s RIDICULOUS!
Honestly, I wouldn’t care if they gave me a choice, but they don’t. I would buy my regular roles and ignore the stupid mega rolls, but I can’t find them and am being forced to use a product that doesn’t work and it’s infuriating.
And what about those God awful jumbo rolls they now have? They show them on stands because there is no extender or appliance that can hold them. That is unless your bathroom has the decor of a public bathroom in a gas station. I’m sorry, but I don’t want the most prominent feature in my bathroom to be a roll of toilet paper. Call me crazy.
I’m convinced a man came up with these “amazing” toilet paper ideas because apparently changing a toilet paper roll is far too taxing for most men (so they leave it barren) plus it sounds like it was named by the guy who came up with “monster trucks”.
But hey! I only have to change the roll twice instead of 3 times! That is if I could get the roll to turn without shredding. TRULY GENIUS! It’s right up there with the banana cutter. Another exhausting activity we’ve been spared from.
I am late to the party. Maybe it’s living in Iowa. LOL! We NOW have ONLY MEGA rolls available and I have searched far and wide as well! I am in complete agreement with you, LP. This is absolutely ridiculous. It’s all about the money. And….now I have to throw out toilet roll products that once fit the everything just fine. What a waste! I’m pissed.
Kimberley, I agree that it’s SO annoying!!