Dear friends,
A few years ago, I wanted to surprise an administrative assistant in another state who had been absolutely great to work with. We weren’t close, but I knew from reading her social media posts that money was really tight. So I mailed her an Amazon gift card to arrive about a week before Christmas. I imagined her feeling so happy when she opened the card. Maybe it would ease her financial burdens if she had last-minute holiday shopping to do, or maybe she’d buy something nice for herself.
On Christmas Eve, there was a knock at my door and I discovered the Fed X delivery man outside. To my dismay, the dear young woman whom I’d hoped to bless had gone to the trouble of buying me a reciprocal gift and paying pricey overnight shipping fees so it would reach me before Christmas.
Had my gift really blessed her like I’d hoped? Or had it added another layer of stress and obligation to her already busy season?
Therein lies the rub with holiday gifts. How can we joyfully give and receive without adding another layer of pressure?
Perhaps we could begin by letting go of some common myths about gift giving:
Let’s Ditch These 5 Myths About Gifts
Myth #1: If someone gives me a present, I need to reciprocate.
This can be tough to let go if you’re a generous person. And yet I’ve seen in my own life how, in my zeal to repay a kindness, I sometimes diminish the giver’s original joy. So let yourself be blessed by someone else. Let someone else do a greater thing for you. Practice graciously receiving.
Myth #2: Our gifts should cost about the same amount.
Take it from me, the person who once gave a friend a $5 wooden dreidel and then opened the 14K gold and aquamarine pendant he got me. It doesn’t matter. Try to resist the temptation to make a thing out of it, and simply bask in your friend’s generosity.
Myth #3: If my creative, crafty friend gives me a homemade present, it won’t seem like I care as much if I give her a gift card.
This works both ways. Maybe you have a friend who buys you lavish gifts, while you’re committed to paying off your student loans so you give something humble and homemade. It’s all good!
Our loved ones don’t want us to take on debt to buy them gifts. Our loved ones don’t want us to pile on pressure to make perfect gifts. Maybe that’s why they’re our loved ones!
Myth #4: My partner and I should give each other personal, thoughtful gifts that we magically just “know” the other person will want and love.
Gift giving can sometimes be challenging for couples. I am a big believer in judicious hinting, a carefully marked catalog left open on a desk, and outright suggestions. Communication is a beautiful thing.
Myth #5: If someone asks for something practical for Christmas (confession: I once asked for a vacuum cleaner), we should nix that and buy them something special instead–like a folk art painting! Or a motorized tie rack!
It takes courage to speak up and ask for a specific gift, so we honor our loved ones when we take their hints. I know I’m weird, but whenever I use my nice vacuum cleaner I feel grateful!
Are there any more gift giving myths we should bust? Drop a comment below!
You might also enjoy our recycling tips for unwrapping gifts. Here’s to more joy and peace for you and yours this holiday season.
About Eliza Cross
Eliza Cross is the author of 17 books, including Small Bites and 101 Things To Do With Bacon. She shares ideas to simplify cooking, gardening, time and money. She is also the owner of Cross Media, Inc. and founder of the BENSA Bacon Lovers Society.
I love this Eliza, this is so very true! We need to remind ourselves during the holidays and all year through really. Plus for some of us, one of our “love languages” might be gifts. It might be receiving but more often than not, it’s giving that brings us much joy. We don’t need a gift ourselves, because the act of planning, shopping, wrapping, giving brings us more joy and delight than the recipient can even imagine!
GREAT permission for all us to deal with guilt gift giving! Thank you for your thoughtful wisdom and I plan to remember this more during the holidays and MANY family birthdays that surround it.
Oh…the reciprocal thing is huge for me. Back when I still worked at the music school, I had a staff of about 60 instructors who worked under me. Several of them had a habit of buying me a gift every year – nothing fancy… $10-$15 or so. But if I had to reciprocate… well, I’d feel bad if I bought one teacher a gift, but not the rest. And with a staff of 60 – that would have cost me $600-$900! It was quite a dilemma for me. Finally I resolved the issue by baking cookies for the teacher break room, and leaving them all a small token gift – something I knew they needed because they had a tendency to grow legs and disappear around that place – pencils! Nice, holiday themed pencils, but just pencils. I think just learning to let it go might have been a better option!
Oh my, this is so good! I totally agree with everything you said. It’s something I’ve been learning in this journey of mine. Thanks for the reminder!